My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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