i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
