Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
