Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
