Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
