I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize