i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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