Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
