there's paper in my vomit.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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