you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
