So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize