I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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