the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
