p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
