Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize