it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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