I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
