I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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