Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
