Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize