never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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