Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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