Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
