I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
