so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
