..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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