And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Still dying that you shit outside
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
