Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You left your phone here
Wait...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
