I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just want nice things and good sex
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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