You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
