btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Barsexuality is the new black.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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