he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
