Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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