I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
