Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
