I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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