I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
