someone threw a dead crab at me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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