My hand turned me down
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
