she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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