theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
