I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
