he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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