I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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