i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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