Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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