What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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