I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
