Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
