i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
