I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
