I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
