Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
