this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
