What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize