Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
