if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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