I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
