part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
