Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
