i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
