i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am available for nakedness
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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