She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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