i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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