if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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