Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize