Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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