i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
