2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
