I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
